Empathy

Empathy, the ability to put oneself in another's place and feel as that person would be expected to feel in the particular situation, has been highly researched by child psychologists and developmental theorists. This ability is thought to emerge during the second year by some theorist. Others have viewed it as "a innate potential", such as learning language, as it is linked to social cognition. Social cognition is the cognitive ability to understand that others have mental states. This lends to the ability to gauge feelings and intentions, which can lead to empathy. When prosocial behaviors, such as turn-taking, giving items back when taken from others, giving "gentle" touches, etc., are promoted then empathy can be seen in the toddler years when children are typically viewed as more egocentric and less aware of others intentions/feelings.

To promote these types of behaviors first remember that your toddler is not "bad" when they are taking items, hitting, etc. Stay calm when reacting to these types of behaviors. Simply state how the other person is feeling when your child behaves in an "unsocial" manner  and gently show your child how to appropriately correct the situation. Remember that behaving in a socially accepted manner is a new skill for your child, just like learning to talk or write, so you have to be patient and teach them what is acceptable behavior. It helps if you teach through empathizing with your child!

 For example, your toddler is at a playground and takes an item from another child. Calmly walk over to your child, get on his or her's eye level and state something to the affect (use wording you are comfortable with as children can easily see through you if you appear unnatural!) "Oh, I saw you take that from them. (appear as sad and disappointed as possible, but not angry) Look at their face. Do you see how sad they are? I can see they are frowning and crying. They are sad because you took that toy from them. What could you do to help them feel better?" Your child will mostly not know how to respond at first but as you go through situations like this over and over again they will become comfortable in correcting their own social problems. "Give the toy back to them. That will make them happy again." You may have to encourage this a lot at first (this takes LOTS of patience...hang in there!). After your child gives the toy back follow up with a redirection, such as showing them how to find a similar item or how to ask for a turn. This can be done with very young toddlers with the right patience.

Please share your recent situations/frustrations regarding social situations you have been in with your young child. We can discuss how to best approach specific social situations to encourage empathy and other prosocial behaviors.