As infants develop independence and grow into toddlerhood they naturally test boundaries, limits and often choose to ignore adult requests. When and how do you as a caregiver consistently stick to boundaries and limits with your toddler in the face of all that "defiance"?
Natural consequences often do not work in the heat of opposition when a child is simply refusing to do as you ask. However, it can be a logical consequence to tell a child that they cannot do anything else until they follow through with what you've asked them to do, which is essentially time out. It is all about presentation though, and how you set it up.
I disagree with the standard way time out is used. It should not be a punishment, but it can be used as discipline (that is, to TEACH a child). In this sense it works well for out right defiance. The major difference in using it this way is that it does NOT go by the standard one minute of sitting for every year of age the child is. Here is an example of when and how it would be appropriate:
Adult: "Please put your cars back in the bucket they go in."
Child: does nothing or says "No"
Adult: "Put your cars where they go so nobody steps on them."
Child: still does nothing
Adult: "You can either put the cars away or you can sit until your ready."
Child: still does not comply
Adult: Takes child by the hand or gently picks up, depending on age, in a calm manner and firmly states, "You can sit until your ready to put the cars away. You will not do anything else until the cars are picked up." as they sit the child down in a designated spot away from distractions and attention.
*As the child gets up, if they do not go to pick up the cars then the adult takes them back and sits them down, repeating the above statement. If the child tries to get up again without complying the adult no longer speaks or makes eye contact but simply, calmly and gently leads them back to sit down. This continues for however long it takes for the child to put the cars away. THIS ONLY WORKS WHEN A CHILD UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOU ARE ASKING OF THEM, YOU REMAIN CALM AND DO NOT GIVE ATTENTION UNTIL THE CHILD COMPLIES. BE CONSISTENT AND FOLLOW THROUGH EVERY TIME!
Natural consequences often do not work in the heat of opposition when a child is simply refusing to do as you ask. However, it can be a logical consequence to tell a child that they cannot do anything else until they follow through with what you've asked them to do, which is essentially time out. It is all about presentation though, and how you set it up.
I disagree with the standard way time out is used. It should not be a punishment, but it can be used as discipline (that is, to TEACH a child). In this sense it works well for out right defiance. The major difference in using it this way is that it does NOT go by the standard one minute of sitting for every year of age the child is. Here is an example of when and how it would be appropriate:
Adult: "Please put your cars back in the bucket they go in."
Child: does nothing or says "No"
Adult: "Put your cars where they go so nobody steps on them."
Child: still does nothing
Adult: "You can either put the cars away or you can sit until your ready."
Child: still does not comply
Adult: Takes child by the hand or gently picks up, depending on age, in a calm manner and firmly states, "You can sit until your ready to put the cars away. You will not do anything else until the cars are picked up." as they sit the child down in a designated spot away from distractions and attention.
*As the child gets up, if they do not go to pick up the cars then the adult takes them back and sits them down, repeating the above statement. If the child tries to get up again without complying the adult no longer speaks or makes eye contact but simply, calmly and gently leads them back to sit down. This continues for however long it takes for the child to put the cars away. THIS ONLY WORKS WHEN A CHILD UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOU ARE ASKING OF THEM, YOU REMAIN CALM AND DO NOT GIVE ATTENTION UNTIL THE CHILD COMPLIES. BE CONSISTENT AND FOLLOW THROUGH EVERY TIME!
No comments:
Post a Comment