Apologizes!

I want to apologize for not being as diligent in posting every week. I am currently working two full time positions and am running short on time and sleep. I will post as often as I can. I encourage all of you to post your questions in the mean time and I will answer them promptly! 

Thanks for reading my work. 

 

Sign language with infants and toddlers

http://youtu.be/PtYv1AL-CkQ


 When nonverbal children have a means of expressing their wants and needs it reduces frustration for the adult as well as the child. Just think of how often your young child wants or needs something but you are not sure what it is. Your child becomes exacerbated with you and you become completely frustrated with the whole situation. Sign language is one way for communication to take place between adults and children to limit the times of frustration.

There is much research in the child development field implying that using sign language with your young child enhances not just language development, but also cognitive development, fine motor development, and - if used correctly - social and emotional development.

The tips at the beginning of the video are essential. Only use the signs that are important to your child. Children need concrete ways to build the connection between language and their environment. Remember to use the signs in context and continue it (often for months) until your child picks it up.

The appropriateness of time out with toddlers

As infants develop independence and grow into toddlerhood they naturally test boundaries, limits and often choose to ignore adult requests. When and how do you as a caregiver consistently stick to boundaries and limits with your toddler in the face of all that "defiance"?

Natural consequences often do not work in the heat of  opposition when a child is simply refusing to do as you ask. However, it can be a logical consequence to tell a child that they cannot do anything else until they follow through with what you've asked them to do, which is essentially time out. It is all about presentation though, and how you set it up.

I disagree with the standard way time out is used. It should not be a punishment, but it can be used as discipline (that is, to TEACH a child). In this sense it works well for out right defiance. The major difference in using it this way is that it does NOT go by the standard one minute of sitting for every year of age the child is. Here is an example of when and how it would be appropriate:

Adult: "Please put your cars back in the bucket they go in."

Child: does nothing or says "No"

Adult: "Put your cars where they go so nobody steps on them."

Child: still does nothing

Adult: "You can either put the cars away or you can sit until your ready."

Child: still does not comply

Adult: Takes child by the hand or gently picks up, depending on age, in a calm manner and firmly states, "You can sit until your ready to put the cars away. You will not do anything else until the cars are picked up." as they sit the child down in a designated spot away from distractions and attention.

*As the child gets up, if they do not go to pick up the cars then the adult takes them back and sits them down, repeating the above statement. If the child tries to get up again without complying the adult no longer speaks or makes eye contact but simply, calmly and gently leads them back to sit down. This continues for however long it takes for the child to put the cars away. THIS ONLY WORKS WHEN A CHILD UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOU ARE ASKING OF THEM, YOU REMAIN CALM AND DO NOT GIVE ATTENTION UNTIL THE CHILD COMPLIES. BE CONSISTENT AND FOLLOW THROUGH EVERY TIME!

Natural and Logical Consequences

Natural and logical consequences are the best route to use because they are directly linked to the behavior you are waning to stop from being repeated. 

Natural consequences do NOT require you to step in to reinforce why a behavior should not happen. They are naturally provided by the environment. An example of this would be if you tell a child that the stove is hot ("no touching, it's hot) and the child touches it anyways. The hurt of being burned would be a natural consequence. Obviously this is not something you want but this does teach, and often times better than any consequence the adult could think up.  Another logical consequence would be if you told a child to pick up a toy. They did not listen and the toy is stepped on, breaking it. The toy being broken on accident would be the natural consequence. 

Logical consequences are facilitated by the caregiver and are directly connected to the behavior. For instance, if a child colors on the furniture or wall a logical consequence would be to have them clean it.   

What other natural and logical consequences can you think of? 

Toddler Hitting

http://youtu.be/bs8Ji1CsSEg

I hate to advertise for free, at least when I do not feel strongly about a company deserving it. Please know that I am NOT advertising for this company! I felt that the parenting information given in this video was vague so I thought finish the job for pampers.

First, I am curious about the title. Why does it give the impression that hitting is just a boy behavior? It is not, and, yes, hititng is a typical phase that toddlers go through. This phase usually starts as the infant gains more ability to get around physically and be more social (the telltale signs that toddlerhood has begun!).  Refer back to the "toddler creed" post. Given toddlers egocentricism and lack of experience in the social world it is no doubt that this is typical development. So what do you do as a parent when your toddler hits another child?

Conflict resolution strategies are the best way to teach your child socially acceptable behavior in the heat of the moment. Your demeanor, tone and reaction (basically, all the nonverbal cues) are all key in the process. Keep in mind that your toddler is not hitting because they are trying to be mean, hurtful or because they are bad. They simply do not know better yet, which is where conflict resolution comes in.

Conflict resolution has taken a large role in early childhood classrooms with many prescribed methods being researched, refined and facilitated. Rarely does the research let parents know how to use the strategies. Even rarer yet, does research look at how to use the methods with very young children. Here is a quick break down of how it looks in a hitting situation:

1. Approach the situation calmly. Gently stop the hurtful behavior if it is still happening. This can usually be done by simply putting your body in the way while you in the process of step 2.
2. Get on the child's level. Acknowledge the hurt child first. "Ouch. I saw that. You were hit."
3. In a firm, disappointed voice tell the "aggressor" that the hitting is unacceptable, making sure to point out the reaction/hurt the other child experienced. "No hitting. Do you see their face? Look, they are sad/hurt because you hit them." Depending on the other child you could have them tell the "aggressor "no", "hurts", etc.  How can you make them happy again?"
4. Help the "aggressor" by suggesting hugs, soft touches, or an apology (if they have the language for that). Do NOT force the child to say sorry or give a hug. Help them help the hurt child until the hurt child is feeling better (feelings in toddlerhood moves quickly so it should not take too long!), this may be a hug but it may also be finding a toy. The goal is to teach the child how to problem solve to find a solution that will work - in the adult world "sorry" doesn't always cut it and we usually prefer the creative apologies.
5. If you know what the root of the hitting was, such as wanting to gain access to a toy, help the child(ren) solve that problem. "I see you were wanting that toy in their hand. Hitting is not how we get it. You can ask for a turn (help the child with this) or we can go look for another toy."
6. Use the strategy every time. Consistency is necessity!

Conflict resolution strategies take some getting use to but the more you go through the steps with your toddler the better you will both become!!!

Also, keep in mind that these steps are flexible as the child develops and needs less facilitation.


IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN MORE SPECIFIC INFORMATION ON THIS TOPIC DROP A COMMENT - THIS IS MY AREA OF EXPERTISE!

Teens and Toddlers - Dad shoots laptop

http://youtu.be/HGxY_F9waAU

This video brings up a good question of when you should teach children life lessons such as working for what you have and respect for yourself and others. The simple answer is - as soon as they start asserting independence, which is typical in the toddler stage. I often say that the adolescent stage is toddlerhood revisited, only with more verbiage!

When parents have realistic expectations and freedoms/ways to assert independence, within firm boundaries, from the beginning there is a higher likelihood that the teen years will be less of a power struggle because they have already had years of proof that their parents will allow them independence inside certain boundaries. How do you know what realistic expectations are? A good place to start is understanding typical development (look at the pages under each area of development on this site for children under three) and then knowing your child. For instance, most one year olds can help put away toys they brought out by placing them a couple toys in a bucket or bin when asked. It would be a realistic expectation for you to have your child do this at certain points of the day. When the child asserts independence and says no (this will most likely take place around two years-old), you have to stick with the boundary and expectation that it is their responsibility. Use words such as respect and responsibility. This will add to their growing sense of vocabulary.

I think it is also important to try to empathize with the child, of any age, when asserting a boundary with discipline. In continuation of the above statement this would involve firmly telling the child, "It is your responsibility to clean up what you were working on. I see that you don't want to, but you will not be able to do anything else until you help clean up." Then follow through with that statement, even if that means sitting them down (gently without giving an emotional response - this is highly important) in one area over and over again until they do as you have asked. The statement validates their feelings but also let's them know that they still have to do what is expected.

With the video example I think the father could have done a better job at coming at this with empathy and explanation, trying to validate some feelings his daughter has. You can get way further with children when they know that they have been understood. Just because you validate their feelings does not mean that you are giving into them and letting them have their way. There is a balance! The father probably could have used this as yet another learning opportunity to show the girl how good she had it by first starting with, "I hear you, you think you are over-worked and you have no freedoms. Let's take a look at what adult life is like and what I do to work for our family in and out of the household. Would you like to trade roles? Let's look at other children who have no choice but to work in and out of the home (and their money goes to household bills). So really you should be very thankful of your life and stop focusing on what you do not like about it. The whole family has to work together to function. It is your role to help with responsibilities, such as putting away the dishes. That role helps me fulfill my role of preparing you for true responsibilities of living on your own." With this approach the daughter has less room to say that her father just does not listen; the tactic is showing them that you do understand what they are going through (let's face it we all went through a similar phase) and then explaining why you disagree with them.

This video also takes us back to the post on discipline vs punishment. I would say, since the father is trying to teach the child a hard life lesson, that shooting the laptop in this case is discipline. Yes, it probably could have been handled a little more respectfully by the father but there is nothing wrong with expecting your teen to work for some of their wants, or to work to help the family. In fact, I think these life lessons should start in the early years within the constraints of what a child can handle developmentally.

What are your thoughts on this?

The Importance of Play

I have alluded to the fact that play IS the WORK of children. Children function at a higher level during play than they do during times when there are constraints on their work. Real learning, learning that is meaningful and life-long, takes place IN play. Your job, as your child's first educator, is setting up valuable experiences where they can play. Many, many quick ways of doing just that are in other posts (more will come too!), but what is truly beautiful is when child and adult are able to play together in such a way that innovation takes place. Play is essential for all ages. Think of it this way:

"Employers take note: one of the first casualties of an overly authoritarian workplace is creativity and its byproduct, innovation. You're not going to venture a breakthrough idea if you know you'll be ignored or you won't get the credit for it or, for that matter, if your bladder is bursting. Which is why the most dynamic enterprises of recent years have been the dot-coms and other hi-tech companies where dress codes and punch-in times are often abandoned for a freewheeling, less hierarchical corporate culture." The google company is an admirable example of this (and no, they are not paying me!).   

Get out of your comfort zone and play - do not worry about how it looks, what others would think, or if it is "right"- simply go by how it feels! 

This also relates to the post on discipline vs punishment, and both post on empathy. Check them out and as you ponder these thoughts in how children's world relates to adults' post any and all comments on the main page. 

Sensory Experiences for Young Children

In the lives of infants and toddlers almost every experience is a new one. How do they learn everything they need to know about their environment? In short,  they use ALL five of their senses. This is, in part, why they put everything in their mouths! So what can you do to build on your child's natural need for sensory experiences?

Easy Set-ups

• Use small tubs or tote containers (lidded ones work well for storing and reusing) 
• When using water as the sensory base the sink or tub works great 
• For messier items put an old tablecloth, blanket, sheet or large towel down
• BE CREATIVE - Find ways to use all the senses. For example try adding scents like vanilla extract. 

Easy Sensory "Fillers"

• Flour 
• Cornmeal 
• Sand 
• Mash Potato Flakes 
• Beans 
• Rice 
• Pasta Noodles
• Corn Packing Peanuts (add a small amount of water for a little science experiment) 
• Confetti 
• Birdseed 
• Cotton Balls 
• Coffee (whole or ground) 
• Shredded Paper 
• Tissue Paper (again try adding water) 
• Pudding 
• Jello
• Bubble Wrap 
• Cool Whip 
• Shaving Cream 
• Ribbons 
• Bows 
• Scarves 
• Carpet Samples
• Tile Samples 
• Pumpkins or Squash (let them explore the insides and outsides)
• Grass Seed 
• Dirt 
• Mud 
• Easter Grass 
• Felt Pieces 
• Fabric Pieces 
• Feathers 
• Aquarium Rocks 
• WATER - THIS IS EASY TO ADD TO - TRY:
• Cotton Balls 
• Easter Grass 
• Feathers 
• Tissue Paper 
• Corn Starch 
• Floating Toys 
• Hard Baby Dolls 
• Cars 
• Dishes 
• Soap 
• Paper 
• Ice Cubes 
• Watercolor or Food Color 
• Rocks 
• Shells 
• Large Marbles 
• Corks 
• Funnels 
• Pipes (PVC for plumbing works well)
• Sponges
• Washcloths
• Syringes 
• Pump bottles (i.e. old soap dispensers)
• Squeeze Bottles (i.e. honey bottles)
• Cups of Various Size 
• Strainers 

Simple Sensory Tools (items to enhance their play with the sensory filler)

• Buckets 
• Bowls 
• Containers 
• Tongs
• Spoons 
• Scoops 
• Cups 
• Measuring Cups 
• Ice Cube Trays 
• Film Canisters 
• Strainers
• Colanders 
• Cookie Cutters 
• Sifting Toys 
• Whisks 
• Turkey Basters 
• Egg Cartons 
• Toilet Paper Tubes 
• Muffin Tins 
• Ladles 
• Pump Bottles 

Simple Sensory Recipes

• CLEAN MUD
• GRAT 3 BARS OF IVORY SOAP. INA BOWL MIX GRATED SOAP, 1 ROLL OF TOILET PAPER (TORN INTO PIECES) AND SOME WARM WATER. KEEP WIXING UNTIL IT FORMS THE CONSISTENCY OF MASHED POTATOES. STORE IN AN AIR TIGHT CONTATINER. ADD A LITTLE MORE WATER WHEN IT DRIES OUT. DISPOSE IN THE TRASH AND NOT DOWN THE DRAIN
• MOON SAND 1: 
• 10 LBS,  1 Bottle Baby  Oil 
• Mix Ingredients to make moldable sand
• GOOP:
• 2 C WARM WATER, 3 C CORNSTARCH PUT INGREDIENTS INM A BOWL AND MIX. THIS IS SOLID WHEN LEFT ALONE, BUT TURNS TO A LIQUID WITH THE HEAT OF LITTLE HANDS! 
• SILLY PUTTY:
• MIX TWO PARTS ELMER’S GLUE TO ONE PART LIQUID STARCH. POUR STARCH INTO GLUE A LITTLE AT A TIME AND MIX. IF THE MIXTURE IS TOO STICKY ADD MORE STARCH. COVER AND REFRIGERATE OVERNIGHT. 
• EASY PLAYDOUGH:
• 1 C COLD WATER, 1 C SALT, 2 tsp VEGETABLE OIL, 3 C FLOUR, 2 TBS CORNSTARCH, TEMPRA PAINT OR FOOD COLOR
• MIX THE WATER, SALT, OIL AND PAINT TOGETHER. GRADUALLY WORK IN THE FLOUR AND CORNSTARCH UNTIL YOU GET THE CONSISTENCY OF BREAD DOUGH.
• OATMEAL PLAY DOUGH: 
• 1 PART FLOUR, 1 PART WATER, 2 PART OATMEAL 
• MIX ALL INGREDIENTS WELL UNTIL SMOOTH. KNEAD AND PLAY.

What do Young Children Gain from Sensory Experiences? 

• Cognitive Development
• Pre-math skills filling, dumping, estimating, figuring out more and less, etc. 
• Pre-science skills through exploring matter, weight, volume, etc. 
• Ability to focus on a task 
• Problem solving skills 
• Language Development 
• As you build on their play with conversations 
• New vocabulary 
• Physical development 
• Fine Motor is needed for later writing (think fingers)
• Playdough or clay 
• Pinching, grasping or picking up items with thumb and index fingers 
• Using Tongs
• Gross Motor is also known as large motor (think whole hand or arm)
• Pouring items 
• Holding cups or other large items 
• Hand-Eye Coordination 
• Emotional development 
• Sense of accomplishment 
• Independence 
• Building self-regualtion 
• Social Development 
• This is dependent on whether or not your child is working alone 
• If you work with them you can work together to fill and dump material, take turns with items, etc. 
• FOLLOW YOUR CHILD'S LEAD WHEN YOU PLAY WITH THEM! 

Discipline VS Punishment

Today a three year old was very curious about my cup of coffee. We had a drawn out conversation about how the coffee smelled, it's temperature, how it tasted, what it looked like, and why I had a lid on the cup (so it did't all spill out). Curious how this all worked the little guy said, "Pour it on the floor with the lid on." I explained that the lid only worked to keep the majority of the coffee from spilling but if I put the cup upside down it would still spill out a little bit. He still insisted that I put the cup upside down. I then explained that it would be disrespectful to our building if I intentionally poured coffee on the floor. "Who would punish you?", he asked. This made me extremely sad. What happens when he feels like no one is watching or that he might not be punished? What about doing what is right because it is right? When does our moral compass begin to develop? All of this made me realize that parents (and unfortunately teachers) may not understand the difference between punishment and discipline and the actual effects these differences might have on a child's moral development, never mind the effects it can have on other areas of development.

Punishment reprimands for an unwanted behavior. Let's take the adult behavior of inattentive driving which leads to a car accident. The tickets, fines, time wasted, increase in the insurance premium and everything that goes with "paying back your debt to society" is a punishment. It goes no further than simply providing you with negative consequence for your behavior; this, in theory, tells you that the precursor behavior (the car accident) is unacceptable. Discipline on the other hand goes a step further than punishment. It teaches a replacement behavior. Take our example, discipline could be viewed as the "driving class" you can opt into in order to lessen the charge. This class, at least supposedly, offers lessons in driving skills that could teach you a new skill set for driving in a safer manner.

In parenting, punishment tends to be reactionary. It tends to immediately follow an unwanted behavior out of anger, frustration or both. How can the focus be on teaching a new behavior under this prescription? Besides that, children live for attention. Good or bad, they want your attention! More often than not when we punish we are giving a reaction to a behavior in such a way that the child actually continues the behavior instead of stopping it. Punishment often leads to children who follow rules as long as someone is watching. This is because children are smart; "if I do X, mom sees, then Y happens. I do not like Y. If I do X and mom does not see, nothing happens."When we discipline we are actually taking the opportunity to teach a child a better or different way. There are still consequences, but the consequences tend to be given with love and patience and link to the behavior in a logical manner. Discipline tends to lead children to having internal motivation to do the "right thing".

For instance, a child hits a sibling when they want the toy the sibling has. Punishment would elicit the parent shouting or even stating, "no that's not nice" and making the child leave the area. Discipline would go further with the previous statement, "Hitting is not okay. It hurts. Look at their face; they're sad because you hit them. I'm disappointed in you as well." (this teaches the child the effect their behavior has on others). You could even use this opportunity to prompt the sibling in what to say when they are hit - "Tell your brother/sister how it makes you feel when they hit you." Then you ask the child how else they could get what they want. Depending on the age, development, etc. they may or may not respond. Start at their level and prompt them, based on their ability, to ask for the toy (baby signs work well for nonverbal kiddos). Have the child actually do this, even if it is with your help. The sibling would mostly likely tell them "no"at this point when the asked because they are still upset about being hit. Respect that and explain that to the "hitter". Even if melt down world war three ensues, do not let the child have the toy if the sibling says "no" when asked. Either way your child is being shown a replacement behavior for hitting based on the goals the child originally had. With very young children you will have to "teach them the lesson" (whatever it may be) lots and lots and LOTS of times. It will pay off in the long run!

For those who are interest you can look into Lawrence Kohlberg's stages of moral development. If you do look into this and have questions or further comments on moral development please share them here!!!

Breakdancing Toddler - What can be learned here?

Okay, I cannot lie, I found this video randomly and liked it so much I had to find a way to add it into a discussion!

http://youtu.be/FiNUkDnDMFA

A natural way to add this to a discussion is to talk about how every child has their own unique interests and natural abilities. At a very early age you can see what your child is more drawn to doing during play that can give you an insight as to what their natural abilities might be. For instance, the child in the video is obviously just naturally good at physical movements and probably shows some abilities with music. As his parents have done their are ways to tap into to your child's natural abilities by scaffolding their abilities, providing them more opportunities to do what they are drawn to do, and providing them with new experiences that build on the skills they are show preference for. With the child in the video I am guessing that a caregiver does breakdancing so they can show their child the "next move" to scaffold what the child is already able to do. The parents are obviously giving the child free time to play in this area that they show interests in. To provide more experiences that build on this interest the parents could expose the child to capoeira, other forms of dancing, gymnastics, etc.

Watch what your child is naturally drawn to and build on what you see to give your child the best possible start in unlocking their unique abilities. For instance, a child I had the pleasure of getting to known in the classroom setting showed a natural interest in care taking. This child was almost always caring for a doll or stuffed animal. As a teacher I saw this (and this lucky child had parents that were aware of this too!) and provided more opportunities for the child to care in real life ways while giving them more knowledge on how to take care of others. I see this child being a wonderful teacher, doctor, vet, social worker, etc down the road!

Your interest may vary from your child's but it is your job to help them discover who they are and what their natural abilities are!

More on Painting

Simply painting with paint brushes or hands on construction paper or bodies can get boring. Here are some OUTSIDE THE BOX ideas to change up how you and your child view painting.

Different Items to Use as Paint Tools:

• aluminum foil balls 
• spoons 
• whisk 
• combs and hairbrushes 
• toothbrushes 
• toy cars
• bottle caps 
• berry baskets 
• corn cobs 
• cotton balls 
• sponges 
• scrubbing brushes 
• sticks 
• pinecones
• leaves 
• flowers 
• paint rollers
• hair rollers
• shoes 
• cookie cutters
• corks 
• stir sticks or straws 
• blocks or dominoes 
• anything with a novel texture 
• anything you can use as a stamp or "print" 

Different Painting Surfaces: 

• aluminum foil 
• wax paper 
• wallpaper (sometimes you can find old samples for free)
• carpet squares (sometimes you can find old samples for free)
• wrapping paper 
• grass 
• sidewalks 
• tress
• wood pieces
• sheets or blankets
• butcher paper
• newspaper 
• magazines 
• mirrors 
• windows 
• fences 
• shelf paper 
• sandpaper 
• cardboard 
• coffee filters 
• anything with a novel texture 
• anything that promotes a different way to paint (i.e. laying down, standing up, siting) 

Other Items to Add to Paint: 

• oatmeal 
• rice 
• baby oil 
• vegetable oil 
• sand 
• salt 
• scents (extracts) 
• spices (i.e. ginger, cloves, cinnamon)
• mashed potato flakes 
• cream of wheat 
• flour 
• cornmeal 
• glitter 
• sequins 
• soap flakes 
• lotion 
• birdseed 
• coffee
• anything that adds a novel texture or scent 

PAINTING - QUICK HOWS AND WHYS!

Quick Paint Recipes that are OUTSIDE THE BOX: 

Sorry there are not exact measurements for some of the recipes - be a scientist with your child and experiment with how much of each ingredient you need! 

• Puff Paint 
• Glue, Shaving Cream and Washable Paint  

• Shiny Paint 
• Condensed Milk and Color (food color if you don't mind staining or washable liquid watercolor)

• Finger Paint (thicker than regular paint) 
• 1/2 Cup Flour, 2 Cup Water, and Color 
• Mix flour with a little water 
• Stir out lumps until smooth
• add rest of water
• cook over medium heat until thick and shiny 
• add color 

• Sticky Paint
• Corn Syrup and Color 

• Shampoo Paint
• Shampoo, Water and Color 
• Mix shampoo with small amount of water and color with an electric beater 
• if too thick add more water, if too thin add more shampoo

Things to Remember when Painting with your Child: 

• It is the process not the product that matters! 
• It will be messy - that is the fun of it!!  
• Plan ahead
• Washcloths, Soap Water, Wet Wipes, etc. handy
• Take off their clothes and let them paint on their bodies 
• Put an old sheet under them 
• Paint in the bathtub  
• REFRAIN FROM COMMENTS LIKE, "WHAT DID YOU MAKE?" (LOOK AT ITEM ONE! AND CONSIDER HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF YOU WERE WORKING HARD ON YOUR ART AND SOMEONE ASKED THAT), "THAT'S PRETTY" OR "I LIKE IT" AS THESE FOCUS ON THE PRODUCT. 
• INSTEAD TRY FOCUSING YOUR CONVERSATION DURING THEIR PAINTING EXPERIENCES ON WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND HOW THEY ARE DOING IT "I SEE YOU USING THE PURPLE." ; "YOUR DRIPPING THE PAINT OFF YOUR FINGERS, I SEE THE SPLATTERS IT MAKES ON YOUR LEG"; "YOU ARE VERY FOCUSED ON YOUR WORK" ; "YOU ARE WORKING SO HARD ON YOUR ART" THESE COMMENTS ARE SPECIFIC TO THE CHILD'S EFFORTS AND INCREASE THEIR AWARENESS OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING WHILE ADDING IN NEW VOCABULARY WORDS! 

What your Child is Gaining, Developmentally Speaking, from these Experiences: 

• Physical Development: 
• motor skills need for later writing skills
• hand-eye coordination 
• Emotional Development: 
• a sense of accomplishment 
• self-efficacy and self-esteem (a sense that they can!) 
• a medium for self-expression 
• Language Development 
• this depends on how YOU approach the situation
• as they work to can build on their thinking by talking about their actions in detail and asking questions (even if they do not have the verbal skills to respond! See "Language Development" Page)
• builds their vocabulary and exposer to new words  
• gives them practice in the workings of conversations 
• connects words (symbols, if you will) and their environment in a concrete, meaningful manner 
• Cognitive Development: 
• gives them a chance to explore and experiment with:
• cause and effect
• textures 
• connect the words for colors and possibly numbers (this, again, is based on how YOU facilitate their work) with what they actually represent

Discussion on tantrum throwing in public

http://youtu.be/H8pTmuDLwbY

http://youtu.be/LDy8YU-nigc

http://youtu.be/W756K2maKJ0

Tantrum's are always bad enough but when you add the element of being in public parents often feel humiliated and clueless. So what is the best strategy to use when this happens? What circumstances have caused your child to throw a tantrum in public? I would like to open these videos up for discussion! 

NOTE: The author does not in any way condone the videotaping of others in public for the purpose of posting it to youtube for ridicule. This type of behavior only furthers parents humility when their child melts down (and FYI this happens to ALL parents at one time or another!). When parents feel extreme stress over the situation they are less likely to act appropriately to change their child's behavior in a lasting, positive manner. 

Why flashcards are a waste of your money

Simply put: Children learn from play. They learn through the actual "work" of hands-on investigations with their environment.

Want them to learn the alphabet, be great readers, etc? Expose them to written words everyday....read to them, point out words on everyday items, write in front of them (this can be the writing you already do, such as your grocery list) and let them be part of the writing, point out individual letters (starting with the letters of their name is great since toddlers are egocentric!), sing, rhyme, etc. 

Exposing them to the meaningful ways we use letters does more for them than alphabet flashcards. Will your two-year-old (or even three-year-old!) be able to tell you what every letter in the alphabet is if you quiz him or her? Absolutely not! However, they will have a better foundation for reading through the meaningful, hands-on, real-world experiences AND have more natural motivation to learn. Think about it: are you more geared up to learn about something when it has meaning for you or when someone else wants you to learn so they can quiz you? 

Want them to know their numbers, be math whizzes, etc? Give your child many opportunities to count in a meaningful manner. Think about the ways you use simple math in your everyday life and see how you can involve your child. Cooking is one routine way to add math. "We need three cups. Let's count them out." Point out times when there is more, less, some, all, none, etc. during everyday play. Let them experiment with measurements by filling the sink with water and various sized cups, containers, etc. 

There is much research on the importance of play. A great place to start is a book titled "Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How our Children Really Learn -- and Why They need to Play More and Memorize Less" by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek Ph.D., Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Diane Eyer. 

Stay tuned for more ways to play with your child and teach them in meaningful ways that will go deeper than any flashcard or "educational product" on the market! 

Giving Toddlers "Jobs"

In my last post, "The Toddler Creed...", I mentioned that you can help ease challenging behavior that your toddler may be expressing by giving them tasks. This video is a great example of how to engage your child in a tasks that revolves around the families daily life. The more you allow your child to do that is with in their capabilities, the less they feel the need to control or gain power over because they already feel like they have power in their world.

http://youtu.be/xbYBaj9H-Eg

"The Toddler Creed" and ways to DEAL with it!

If I want it,
IT'S MINE!

If I give it to you and change my mind later,
IT'S MINE!

If I can take it away from you,
IT'S MINE!

If it's mine it will never belong to anybody else,
No matter what.
If we are building something together,
All the pieces are mine!

If it looks just like mine,
IT'S MINE!






Toddlers are VERY egocentric beings; they do not have the capacity to understand another's perspective (i.e. that someone else might want that toy). To help with this specific problem look at the post about EMPATHY. Taking the time to talk with you toddler about other's needs/wants goes along way! 


Being egocentric trickles into other behavior problems that are typically associated with toddlers, such as temper tantrums and refusing to do as you ask. This is because part of being an egocentric toddler is learning that you have control over your environment. That's right folks, it is actually -  developmentally speaking -  your toddler's job to behave in those less than desirable ways! Here are some simple ways to ease your life and your toddlers: 

• Be consistent - 
•  If you say no, you have to ALWAYS mean no. 
• Also, be consistent in how you enforce requests. 
• Offer a choice - 
• Make sure you are okay with either option 
• This gives your child a sense of control without you losing it!
• Try not to interrupt your child's play - 
• If you have to, give a warning first 
• Wait a few moments before you repeat a request 
• Remind your child of your expectations BEFORE  - 
• "We are going into the store. We are only buying what is on the list. I expect for you to use an inside voice while you help me find these items." 
• Give your child a job or task 
• This creates a sense of accomplishment and a sense of belonging 
• See above example
• Expect less self-control during stressful times 
• Close to nap, meals, going to the doctor, moving, etc. 

Note-worthy Website

This is a campaign meant to provide information to parents, grandparents and caregivers on how children learn through everyday moments. The website provides good information about how children learn, as well as activity ideas for everyday play. There is a wealth of information on the website for those with  patience to explore. Check it out!

BornLearning.org

Empathy beginnings in infancy

With many theorist proposing different views on when a child's empathy begins to emerge what can you do from the very beginning to set the foundation of prosocial skills? The answers may surprise you, as they are behaviors that most parents find naturally. If you ever feel uncertain as a parent look at this list to remember all the great ways you are giving your child the best start possible.

• Met your infant's needs. Figure out your young infants natural routine and rhythm; when is she or he usually hungry, tired, playful, etc.? Begin to anticipate when your infant will need what to prevent stress for you AND your infant! This allows you to meet needs before your infant vocalizes (i.e. cries) a need. It also lays the foundation for trust. The key to your infant gaining trust, which I theorize plays an important role in a child's later prosocial behaviors such as empathy,  is "sensitive, responsive, consistent caregiving" (Eric Erikson). When you care for your infant you are essentially teaching them how to care for others, which includes the ability to empathize. 
• Spend time holding, snuggling, smiling and playing with your infant. Again, this is easy! As a parent you enjoy this and it typically comes natural. This directly connects with the previous statements about meeting your child's needs. It is another way that you are directly teaching your infant how to show care for others. 
• Talk to your infant. For more on this you can look at the earlier post and video regarding an infant's language development. Talking through routine care not only promotes language development but it can also add another layer of how your infant feels secure and has trust in his or her's environment. Try talking specifically about emotions. For instance, when your infant is upset, say, because a loud noise started them awake: hold them close and provide physical comfort as you speak calmly about the situation. "Oh, that noise scarred you. I know, your upset about being woke up. I'm here; your safe." In doing this you are empathizing with your infant, which, once again, is teaching them how to do so later in life. This is the one that some parents feel less natural with. Talking to an infant can be difficult because they do not speak back and we assume they do not understand us. To help with this, try looking for the ways your infant does "speak" in response.